THE BUNN HILL MEMORIAL RUNNER

Volume 17.......................................................... PUBLISHER: E.R. WHITE

June 1995........................................................ EDITOR-IN-CHIEF:: W. H. BARKER

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THE OFFICIAL VOICE OF

AMERICA'S MOST EXCLUSIVE ROAD RACE

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GINGRICH SLASHES BUNN HILL BUDGET

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COLLIER RELINQUISHES YACHT, PRIVATE JET--

Nutriment Subsidies to End, Club Med Training Tours Canceled

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BHMR LOGO '95

BRUNSWICK,ME(AYUH) In his continuing effort to eliminate unnecessary government waste, Newt "Alligator Mouth" Gingrich has taken on his toughest opponent: the Executive Committee of the Bunn Hill Memorial Run. Labeling the Committee as the athletic equivalent of the National Endowment for the Arts and "the wrong end of a donkey with an intestinal virus", Gingrich ordered the BHMR budget to be reduced by 97%.

Observers on Capital Hill were shocked. Gingrich's unusually polite character assassinations of the Executive Committee members were a great surprise. Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole applauded the action as a surprising but long needed reform. "welfare, military spending, the O.J. trial budget---these were easey compared to taking on the BHMR Executive Committee." However, N.Y. Senator Alfonse D'Amato declined comment on the story (he was later rumored to have purchased a N.Y. State map at a local service station and was searching in vain to find the Bunn Hill Memorial. "I know the Jefferson Memorial and the Lincoln Memorial...but who in the hell was 'Bunn Hill' and why did we build him a memorial?!'